...one woman's 25 year quest to share a pint with the man who would be king.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Stalk this.

As promised, here is a small list of demands (ummm, REASONS) why I am not a stalker:

1.   I am married...to a Sgt. in the Sheriff's Department....and he's big...and his deputies would kick my ass. :)
2.   Colin is married...to someone who is the total opposite of everything that is me.  (tall, beautiful, thin, Italian, dark, rich, famous....Jesus, people!  Do I need to go on because I'm seriously depressing myself.)
3.   I live in the United States.
4.   Colin lives in England...AND Italy.  Lucky bastard.
5.   Colin is tall, beautiful, thin, British, dark, rich, famous...Once again, people, I am none of those things.
6.   I don't comb the internet for any news of Colin...well at least not night and day.  To me, that would definitely show signs of "stalkism".   And frankly, I don't have the time.  I have 3 teenagers still at home.  Enough said.
7.   I don't have posters of Colin tacked all over my bedroom wall  (another sign, I believe, of being a true stalker...or at least a brilliant interior designer.)
8.   I don't live in my mother's basement.
9.   I've actually met Colin...on three different occasions....and I DID NOT throw myself at him, chain myself to his ankles, handcuff our wrists together (all brilliant ideas).  Instead, I waited patiently for him to shake my hand, put his arm around me, chat with me, take a photograph with me, and then slowly walk away in order to attend some function or another (wait colin....don't walk away yet...you smelled so wonderful....and i don't care about your fame...you looked a bit tired...you need a vacation....with me.)  What??  You silly demons.  Get out of my head.  You are making me look bad.  :)
10.   I am me.  Just me.  If you know me....or meet me...you will see that I'm just the "girl next door" type and probably the farthest type of woman that Colin might ever notice.  So he is safe.  No need to alert the authorities.